18 Signs He Doesn’t Want You Sexually (& Why You Shouldn’t Panic)
We can all accept that committed relationships have their ups and downs, but it can be harder to accept that sexual desire also has its ebbs and flows!
It’s so common to fret over how much sex you’re ‘supposed’ to have, and if your sex life wanes, it’s easy to start searching for signs he doesn’t want you sexually at all.
However, while it’s tempting to turn inward or point fingers, it’s actually more important to locate the reasons why sexual desire has diminished (instead of fixating on the little things!)
“Men might lose sexual interest for various reasons, and understanding them can help address underlying issues and reignite sexual desire,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert.
If your partner is displaying signs that he isn’t as interested in you in that way, we’re here to hold your hand through the process and hopefully can help you find your sexual reconnection!
How do you know when your man lost interest in you?
When we’re head over heels in love, and spending a lot of time in the bedroom, we all sneakily hope that that phase will never end.
However, we can all accept that the honeymoon period of intense sexual activity is finite (for most of us!), but accepting a total lack of sexual interest… That’s something that no couple should have to come to terms with.
While desire can naturally ebb and flow in a long-term relationship, feeling a total lack of interest can damage not just your self-confidence but your potential future together. Normally, you can just tell when something is off in your relationship, whether it’s a gut feeling or just a vibe change.
However, there are a few clear signs that suggest your man isn’t as committed to your relationship, or as interested, as he once was.
How do you tell if he's not sexually attracted to you?
When you know, you know.
Usually, it’s the little things that signal a lack of sexual desire in your relationship, from body language to a lack of physical touch.
With the help of expert Laura Caruso, we examine some of the signs that suggest your partner has lost sexual interest in you.
What are the signs that he's not interested in you sexually?
Lack of physical contact: “This emotional distance often coincides with a lack of physical affection. It can signify lost interest if he stops initiating physical contact, like hugs, kisses, or holding hands,” says Caruso.
Refusal to talk about sex: If your partner dodges conversations about sex, whether that’s avoiding your sexy text messages, or sidestepping your concerns about sexual intimacy. (Or lack thereof!)
Lack of alone time: “Avoiding quality time is sometimes a red flag,” says Caruso. “When someone starts canceling plans, shows disinterest in shared activities, or prefers to spend more time alone or with others, it can suggest a growing disconnect.”
No compliments: When you’re with your partner, it’s natural to slip some compliments into the conversation! If your partner never compliments you or takes notice, it could be a sign that they’ve lost interest.
Body language: When someone is into you, body language will naturally reflect that! If your partner seems distracted during conversations, takes phone calls, or makes no physical contact — it’s a sign his mind might be elsewhere.
Irritation: “Increased irritability and impatience during interactions may also point to a deeper issue,” says Caruso. “Small disagreements may escalate into larger arguments more frequently, and he may become more critical or less tolerant.”
Different sleep schedules: According to a recent survey, 85% of sex happens in bed, with 26% of people engaging in physical intimacy before they go to sleep. So, if your partner goes to sleep before you, or always comes in much later, it’s much harder to sustain a healthy sexual relationship.
No initiation: In a healthy relationship, both partners should be willing to initiate — making their partners feel attractive and appreciative.
Switch-up: “Changes in routine, like spending more time at work, with friends, or on hobbies, can further indicate that he is distancing himself from the relationship,” says Caruso.
No eye contact: Eyes aren’t only the windows to the soul, they also are a strong indicator of sexual interest and attraction. If your partner isn’t making eye contact with you, it can harm your sexual connection — as it indicates your partner isn’t interested.
Feeling invisible: In a romantic relationship, you should feel constantly “seen” by your partner. If your partner is ignoring you or makes you feel invisible, it’s a clear sign that he’s lost interest in the relationship.
Lack of communication: “Communicating less or with less enthusiasm might indicate a waning interest,” says Caruso. “Conversations that were once deep and engaging may become brief, superficial, or strictly focused on logistical matters.”
Constant negativity: If compliments have been traded for negative comments, it’s a negative sign for your relationship — indicating your partner isn’t interested in you anymore.
Intimacy feels unnatural: Whether it’s cuddling or physical intimacy, something feels forced or off. For example, if you initiate sex, it doesn’t feel like they’re fully present or into it.
Emotional withdrawal: “An emotionally detached man may seem less affectionate, uninterested in your well-being, and generally disengaged from the relationship,” says Caruso.
Excuses: “Frequent excuses to avoid sex, such as being too tired, stressed, or busy, are often a way to sidestep intimacy,” says Caruso.
Refusal to make plans: “Avoiding future plans is another significant sign,” says Caruso. “If he seems reluctant to discuss or make plans for the future, it may indicate a lack of long-term commitment.”
Lack of effort: “Forgetting important dates, neglecting your needs, and failing to show appreciation can all be signs of diminishing interest,” says Caruso.
Why doesn't he want me sexually anymore?
For most couples, sexual attraction is a key part of their relationship, as everyone wants their partner to think they’re the hottest thing on earth. When this kind of desire noticeably wanes, it can feel incredibly hurtful as you struggle to get your partner to pay attention to you.
Studies show that men are more likely to report higher levels of sexual boredom than women. However, problems with sexual desire are strongly linked to problems
with relationships, and it doesn’t always have to be taken personally.
“Your partner’s lack of desire doesn’t reflect your desirability, “ says Caruso.
“Desire fluctuates with stress and complacency—two elements of a relationship that are impossible to avoid.”
While women naturally fret about their physical appearance or their overall attractiveness when sexual desire wanes, it isn’t always so simple. It’s important to consider the potential relationship problems or outside factors that could be affecting your sex life.
Even though we have an engrained tendency to think that desire is directly linked to a new lingerie purchase (oh consumerism!), we invite you to dig a little deeper.
According to Caruso, these are some possible reasons why men might lose sexual interest:
High levels of stress from work, financial issues, or personal problems can lead to fatigue and low sex drive.
Unresolved emotional problems, like depression, anxiety, or past trauma, can significantly impact sexual desire.
Ongoing relationship conflicts, lack of emotional connection, or unresolved arguments can create emotional distance and reduce sexual interest.
Physical health problems like hormonal imbalances, chronic illnesses, or medications can affect libido.
Changes in physical attraction or a loss of novelty over time can lead to decreased sexual interest.
A monotonous or unchanging sexual routine can lead to boredom and reduced excitement about intimacy.
Low self-esteem or body image issues can make a man feel less desirable and impact his sex drive.
Shifts in priorities, like focusing more on work, hobbies, or other commitments, can lead to a decline in sexual interest.
Excessive consumption of pornography and other types of media can sometimes create unrealistic expectations or diminish real-life sexual desire.
In some cases, a man might lose interest in sex due to emotional or physical involvement with someone else.
As men age, natural changes in hormone levels can affect sexual desire and performance.
If the relationship lacks emotional or intellectual intimacy, the sexual connection may also diminish.
What to do if you feel like your man has lost interest in you sexually?
Step one: do not reach for the self-destruct button.
If you’ve noticed a lack of sexual interest from your partner, it’s tempting to turn the blame on yourself. This can make you feel self-conscious, triggering body image issues that only heighten your sexual issues.
Before you take it all out on yourself, take a deep breath and opt for honest conversation instead.
“Instead of internalizing your partner’s lack of desire as a reflection of your worth, ask yourself, “Why can’t I just ask my partner how he feels about our sex life?” More often than not, both partners are responsible for the divide in a relationship, and initiating a conversation about recent changes can help bridge the gap,” says Caruso.
It may not seem groundbreaking, but initiating these conversations is the first step toward understanding why your partner’s sexual desire has waned and how you can move forward. While it’s tempting just to skirt around the issue, it’s more important to get things out in the open so you can work on it together.
“Talk to your partner,” says Caruso.
“Open and honest communication about changes in the relationship can highlight underlying issues and provide insight into how to address them. Seek professional help from a sex therapist and work together to reignite the spark.”
While self-critique is common, you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about having to work on your sexual relationship! It’s totally normal to go through these lulls, it’s what you do about them that really counts.
“Communicating openly about your concerns and feelings can strengthen your emotional bond,” says Caruso.
“It shows that you care about the relationship and are willing to work through difficulties together. This can help you both make adjustments in your relationship to prioritize connection and reignite your sex life.”
Whether it’s about spicing things up with a bit extra foreplay or switching up your sexual routine, there are so many ways to move past this situation and thrive on the other side!
