How to turn on your husband: 20 expert tips
Sex is an important part of romantic relationships.
If you’ve ever wondered how to turn on your husband, you may have thought lingerie or sex toys are the key ingredients to spice things up. However, your sexual connection goes far beyond what happens in the bedroom—with building everyday intimacy the key to unlocking a whole new world of sexual desire.
Married couples often worry about maintaining their sexual relationship, as whether we like to admit it or not, that sexual spark can fade if not maintained.
“Intimacy is challenging in a long-term relationship, particularly in marriage. Whether you’re looking to spice things up or simply reconnect on a deeper level, knowing how to turn your partner on is key to maintaining a healthy and exciting sex life,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert.
“But it’s not just about what turns him on—creating a dynamic where both of you feel desired and engaged can make your intimate moments even more fulfilling. These tips are designed to enhance your connection, boost your chemistry, and bring more passion into your relationship.”
Everyone wants to make their husband feel mad with lust and love, but how do you do it? With the help of Caruso, we’re unlocking the key things to turn your sexual relationship into something of your wildest dreams.
How do you make your husband really want you?
Many couples mistakenly believe that sexual intimacy occurs solely in the bedroom.
We’re not talking about a quickie on the kitchen counter (even though…), it’s about building your emotional and intimate connection through everyday action. So when you do get down to it, the passion is bubbling right at the surface.
“Desire builds gradually throughout the day,” says Caruso.
“Attraction and sexual chemistry thrive on emotional connection, small gestures, and shared experiences. Whether it’s through a thoughtful touch, a kind word, or a simple glance, these everyday moments lay the foundation for a deeper connection when the lights go down. When you make an effort to engage emotionally and physically outside of the bedroom, it creates an undercurrent of intimacy that continuously fuels desire.”
There are so many ways to build these intimate moments, ensuring that you’re not just having good sex—you’re having great sex.
“I like to describe desire as occurring on a 24/7 cycle. It’s embedded in the way you interact, support each other, and even flirt throughout the day,” says Caruso.
“Little moments, like a playful text or a lingering kiss before work, keep the spark alive and ensure that intimacy isn’t confined to just one space. This continuous build-up of affection and attention primes both partners for a more fulfilling and natural connection when it’s time for intimacy. Essentially, how you treat each other outside of the bedroom determines how much chemistry you’ll experience inside of it.”
Remember it isn’t just about what men want, or even want men and women stereotypically desire, it’s about you just as much as it is about them. What makes you feel sexy? What puts you in the mood?
“Confidence is also incredibly attractive. When you feel good about yourself, that energy radiates,” says Caruso.
“Whether it’s through wearing something that makes you feel great or simply embracing your body, your self-assuredness will draw your husband’s attention and desire.”
What are some effective ways to initiate intimacy and turn on my husband?
So while everyday intimacy may be the secret recipe to success in the bedroom, what are the ingredients to make it happen?
From making the first move to donning your favorite sexy lingerie, these tips from Laura Caruso will have you thinking about making love all day long.
Create a flirtatious environment. A little playful teasing and flirting can keep the sexual tension alive. Send a flirty text, give him a lingering touch, or share a private joke to remind him of the chemistry you share.
Build anticipation by sending suggestive or affectionate texts during the day. This subtle foreplay keeps the excitement going long before you’re together, making the transition to physical intimacy more seamless.
Humor is a powerful aphrodisiac. Engage in playful banter, tease him, or share a lighthearted joke. Laughter creates a positive atmosphere and can increase attraction and intimacy by reminding him of the fun you have together.
Compliment him. Men often appreciate feeling desired and admired just as much as women do. Compliment him on something specific—whether it’s his appearance, his skills, or how he makes you feel. This kind of validation can boost his confidence and spark a desire to connect with you physically.
Taking interest in something he’s passionate about—whether it’s his favorite sport, music, or hobby—can help strengthen your bond. Sharing an activity he loves shows you care about what excites him, which can translate into a deeper emotional and physical connection.
Physical contact outside the bedroom is key to building desire. Give him a back massage, touch his arm gently, or snuggle up closer on the couch. These non-sexual touches create an emotional bond that can lead to intimacy later on.
Wear something he loves. It doesn’t have to be lingerie—maybe it’s that dress he always compliments or a specific scent he loves. Wearing something that you know catches his eye shows thoughtfulness and can subtly turn him on, setting the mood for a more intimate evening.
Surprise him with something thoughtful or unexpected. Whether it’s a romantic dinner at home, a new outfit, or setting up a cozy, intimate space for the two of you, these gestures show him that you’re thinking about your connection and keeping things exciting.
Create a sense of intimacy and relaxation at home. Even when you can’t physically escape, transforming your space into a romantic retreat can help set the mood. Dim the lights, set up candles, play relaxing music, and create a cozy atmosphere for just the two of you.
Take the initiative. Approach him with a kiss that lingers longer than usual or lead him into a more intimate moment with playful touches. Many men appreciate when their partner takes the lead and communicates their desire directly.
Make time for quality conversation. Emotional intimacy is a strong precursor to physical connection. Engaging in meaningful conversations about your day, your relationship, or even your fantasies can help both of you feel more connected, making it easier to transition into a more intimate space.
Engage your husband’s senses in creative ways—whether it’s through touch, scent, or sound. Lighting candles, playing soft music, or wearing his favorite perfume can set the mood and make him feel drawn to you.
Routine can dull excitement, so surprising your husband with something unexpected—like a spontaneous date night, a new outfit, or a heartfelt note—can reignite the spark. These thoughtful acts show him you’re putting effort into keeping things exciting.
New experiences, like hiking, taking a cooking class, or exploring a new place, can reignite excitement and bring you closer. Shared adventures boost oxytocin levels and help keep your relationship feeling fresh and fun, which can naturally enhance intimacy.
Try something new in bed, too. Breaking out of routine can spark renewed excitement. Trying a new position, incorporating a fun toy, or exploring a new fantasy together can keep your sex life from becoming predictable, creating a sense of novelty and fun in the bedroom.
While it’s important to feel desired, focusing on self-care also boosts your own confidence and mood. Taking time for your own mental, physical, and emotional health makes you feel more vibrant, which in turn can increase your husband’s attraction to you.
Open communication about what you like and what excites you in bed can create a mutual sense of anticipation. Sharing your fantasies and listening to his can create a safe space for both of you to express your desires, which heightens the sexual tension and connection.
Sometimes, the best way to reignite desire is by allowing a little breathing room. When he has time to relax and recharge, he’ll be more eager to reconnect with you emotionally and physically. Knowing you respect his need for space can strengthen your bond.
Show appreciation for the little things he does, whether it’s helping with chores, supporting you in a tough moment, or being a great father. Expressing gratitude makes him feel valued and desired, which in turn can spark a desire for intimacy and connection.
Talk about your first date, kiss, or a special moment together. Revisiting those memories can reignite the feelings of excitement and passion you had when your relationship was new, creating an emotional connection that leads to physical closeness.
How can I get more turned on by my husband?
Desire goes both ways.
If you’re struggling with your sex drive, or want to discover what gets you in the mood—there are truly so many different avenues to explore.
“Desire is influenced by emotional, physical, and psychological factors,” says Caruso.
It’s one thing to focus on what makes your hubby happy, but this is futile if you don’t know what makes you feel turned on! Once you identify your turn-ons, whether it’s oral sex or a simple cuddle session, communicate these desires to your husband—so he at least knows where to start!
According to Caruso, these are five ways to get more turned on by your partner and focus on your intimate connection:
First, focus on emotional intimacy. Building emotional closeness with your husband is key to sparking desire. Spend time connecting outside of physical intimacy—whether it’s through deep conversations, shared hobbies, or simply laughing together. Feeling emotionally connected can naturally enhance your sexual attraction and make you more receptive to intimacy.
Prioritize self-care. When you feel good about yourself, it’s easier to feel desire. Taking time for your own mental, emotional, and physical well-being boosts your confidence and energy levels, which directly impacts your libido. Engage in activities that make you feel vibrant and attractive, whether it’s exercise, pampering yourself, or enjoying alone time.
Explore what turns you on—both emotionally and physically. Whether it’s through fantasy, reading erotica, or experimenting with new sensations, becoming more aware of what excites you can help reignite your desire for your husband. Share these discoveries with him to build anticipation and excitement.
Take control of your sexual narrative. Sometimes, taking the initiative can be empowering and reignite your own desire. By initiating intimacy and expressing your needs and wants, you can create a more satisfying sexual experience that aligns with your desires. Feeling in control of your own pleasure can significantly enhance your attraction and excitement.
Physical touch throughout the day, like holding hands, giving hugs, or playful touches, can help build sexual desire. These non-sexual touches keep the physical connection alive, reminding you of the closeness you share. As the day progresses, this physical closeness can naturally lead to more intense sexual desire.
Even though every partner wants to feel desired by their partner, it’s equally about what makes you feel desired and loved.
“By focusing on emotional intimacy, self-care, and exploring your own desires, you can increase your sexual attraction to your husband and create a stronger connection that enhances your overall relationship,” says Caruso.
With this new mindset and lots of healthy communication, we guarantee your sex life is about to get a lot hotter.
