Why sex therapy for couples is a winning solution
Sex therapy for couples might have a lot of stigma, but if one or both partners are experiencing sexual problems, it can be a very effective and proactive solution. (And we promise it’s not as scary as it sounds!)
“Sex therapy is a positive step towards improving your relationship,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert.
“There is nothing embarrassing or shameful about seeking support from a professional. In fact, choosing to address sexual issues through therapy is a sign of strength and commitment to your relationship and personal well-being.”
No one wants to admit that they are having intimacy issues, as we all like to outwardly project that we have the best sex life ever! However, it’s totally normal to experience ups and downs with sexual intimacy, and it’s better to deal with these hands-ons rather than let things go downhill.
“Sexual challenges are common, and most people will experience them at some point in their lives,” says Caruso.
“Acknowledging these challenges and seeking help not only demonstrates maturity and responsibility but also opens the door to greater intimacy and satisfaction.”
While it might not seem like it at first, healthy communication is key to a fulfilling, satisfying sex life—with sex therapy for couples key to that journey.
What is sex therapy?
“Sex therapy is a specialized form of counseling aimed at addressing sexual concerns and improving intimate relationships,” says Caruso.
This form of psychotherapy requires both partners to actively participate every step of the way, working through their sexual experiences, worries, and feelings in a safe environment.
“Whether the difficulties are physical, emotional, or a combination of both, sex therapy can help clients communicate more effectively about their sexual needs and desires, enhance sexual satisfaction and pleasure, and resolve conflicts arising from sexual differences,” says Caruso.
Sex therapy doesn’t always have to be utilized when there are intimacy issues, as every couple can benefit from the proactive discussions that sex therapists can facilitate. The homework can be really fun too!
What happens during couples sex therapy?
If you’re considering trying sex therapy, it can be comforting to know what to expect from your sessions. Even though the name might imply a more hands-on format, this type of therapy is similar to other methods, revolving primarily around ‘talk therapy’.
“It’s a common misconception that sex therapy involves sexual acts or physical contact between the client and therapist,” says Caruso.
“Sex therapy is a form of talk therapy, conducted in a professional setting, much like any other psychological counseling. Any specific exercises involving sexual contact are discussed in session and then assigned as homework to be completed with a safe sexual partner. Licensed therapists adhere to strict professional and ethical standards, ensuring that the therapy environment is safe, respectful, and focused on verbal communication and guidance.”
While walking into a therapist’s office can feel daunting, this form of relationship therapy is nothing to be worried about!
“The goal of sex therapy is to provide a supportive space to explore and resolve sexual issues through conversation and therapeutic techniques, not through physical interaction,” says Caruso.
Working with a certified sex therapist can be a very positive experience, as the therapist's knowledge can give couples the new perspective they need to move forward.
“Sex therapy is a highly specialized area of therapy due to the complex and sensitive nature of sexual health and intimacy,” says Caruso.
“Sex therapists are specifically trained in the broad spectrum of human sexuality, including sexual function, sexual feelings, and the psychological, physiological, and emotional aspects of sexual health. They possess detailed knowledge of sexual disorders, which are often excluded from general psychology or counseling training programs.”
Every sex therapist provider has different therapeutic techniques, with their strategy adaptable to your specific needs and your sexual activity.
“Sex therapy for couples involves specific interventions designed to improve sexual function and relational intimacy,” says Caruso.
“Techniques like sensate focus exercises are adapted to help couples build trust, enhance physical intimacy, and improve communication about their sexual desires and boundaries.”
What are the different types of sex therapy?
No matter what issues you and your partner are struggling with, there is a type of sex therapy that could help.
While most couples opt for their therapist in person, there are also treatment plans available in an online therapy format—making it adaptable for a lot of different couples.
“Sex therapy encompasses a variety of traditional therapeutic frameworks and techniques, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), psychoanalysis, mindfulness, and more,” says Caruso.
“These therapies are often used in combination for a well-rounded and comprehensive approach to improving sex and intimacy. Additionally, sex therapists provide sex education—or sex re-education, as I like to call it—which involves teaching specific skills and techniques or filling in gaps of knowledge due to poor sex education during adolescence to improve physical intimacy and understanding of the human body.”
Therapy works in many different ways, with there being a number of methods depending on the issues you and your partner are working through.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: “CBT focuses on identifying and replacing negative thoughts and behaviors that contribute to sexual difficulties,” says Caruso. “It’s effective in treating conditions like differences in libido, premature ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction.”
Psychoanalysis: “This technique is used to explore how past experiences and unconscious feelings influence current sexual behavior,” says Caruso. “This type of therapy can be beneficial for clients whose sexual difficulties may be rooted in deeper psychological conflicts, including trauma and poor sex education.”
Mindfulness: “This involves techniques that encourage clients to be present in the moment, enhancing the sensory experience and reducing performance anxiety,” says Caruso. “This type of therapy is commonly used for clients who feel disconnected or uncomfortable during sex.”
Is couples sex therapy worth it?
Therapy is a big commitment, from a financial, time, and emotional perspective. With so many factors, it’s natural for couples to question whether sex therapy is worth it.
“I can’t recommend sex therapy enough for couples. While discussing your sex life with a stranger can feel uncomfortable or intimidating, a licensed sex therapist provides a safe, non-judgmental environment for couples to feel comfortable exploring intimate aspects of their sex life,” says Caruso.
“Skilled sex therapists are trained to handle sensitive topics without discomfort or bias, which is pivotal in supporting couples through their journey of sexual growth and empowerment.”
Therefore, if you have experienced sexual trauma, sex addiction, body image issues, low libido, or any fetishes—you can feel comfortable opening up to your therapist about all of these topics.
It’s also possible to pursue individual therapy to work through personal sexual issues, while you can utilize couples therapy for more specific relationship issues.
“Sex therapy is extremely beneficial for couples struggling with sex and intimacy,” says Caruso.
“Couples therapists who specialize in sex therapy have advanced insight into how sexual issues affect relationships. They understand the complex interplay between partners’ emotional and sexual needs, which enables them to provide more effective guidance and interventions tailored to the dynamics of a couple.”
At the core of the sessions, every therapist focuses on building communication skills, encouraging both partners to open up about their intimacy issues.
“A key component of sex therapy is improving communication about sex,” says Caruso.
“Therapists help couples develop the skills to discuss their sexual needs openly and without judgment, which can resolve misunderstandings and build a stronger emotional connection.”
This is where the Paired app can come in useful, helping couples to continue to open up about their sex lives in a way that feels natural—sparking important conversations to facilitate a healthier sex life.
When should a couple see a sex therapist?
So, when should you and your partner consider sex therapy?
“Couples should consider seeing a sex therapist when they encounter persistent issues that impact their sexual relationship or overall intimacy,” says Caruso.
According to Caruso, there are several scenarios that a sex therapist is equipped to support:
One or both partners feel dissatisfied with their sexual relationship due to a lack of sexual desire, differing sexual preferences, or dissatisfaction with the frequency or quality of sex.
Common problems like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, difficulty reaching orgasm, or pain during intercourse.
Changes in sexual function due to health issues, surgery, or medication, often affect intimacy.
Trying to mend a relationship following an affair or breach of trust.
Significant discrepancies in sexual desire, often lead to frustration and resentment.
Major life transitions like childbirth, parenting, empty nesting, retirement, or other significant life events often disrupt sexual rhythm.
One or both partners are questioning their sexual orientation, or gender identity, or are interested in exploring new aspects of their sexuality, like kinks or non-monogamy.
Feeling emotionally disconnected or distant from your partner.
Gaps in sex education.
How can sex therapy improve our relationship?
Sex therapy has numerous relationship benefits, especially for couples who are committed to the process throughout.
“Couples sex therapy looks at sexual issues within the context of the relationship as a whole. This approach helps address other relational aspects that may be impacting the couple’s sexual relationship, like unresolved conflicts, differences in desire, or issues of trust,” says Caruso.
“By working on their sexual relationship in therapy, couples often experience improvements in other areas of their relationship. As sexual intimacy improves, so does emotional closeness, leading to a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship overall.”
Sex therapy sessions can also improve communication going forward, eliminating any awkwardness or tension around these often difficult topics. Whether it’s sexual dysfunction or desires, it puts every topic on the table for couples.
This fosters a deeper understanding between partners, as they now have the tools and strategies to resolve any future challenges they encounter in their intimate relationships.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do I need sex therapy or couples therapy?
It depends on your specific issues. Sex therapy focuses on sexual problems, while couples therapy addresses broader relationship concerns. If you’re confused about what therapeutic method to pursue, you can speak to a mental health professional to ask for specific advice on what path to follow.How do you find a qualified sex therapist for couples?
Look for certified sex therapists through professional organizations like AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists). The most important thing is to ensure they're licensed and experienced in working with couples—so you can get the best therapist possible!How long does sex therapy for couples typically last?
The duration varies based on the issues and the couple's progress. On average, couples attend 8-20 sessions over several months. Some may see improvements in a few sessions, while others might need longer-term therapy. Remember that there are no concrete timelines for these things, be patient with your partner and you will start to see benefits over time!
