The Importance of Reciprocity in Relationships

Relationships are a two-way street, with both partners expected to contribute to forming a healthy, happy future equally. 

This is where reciprocity in relationships comes in, with this kind of dynamic fueling a mutually beneficial environment for both individuals to thrive. From the quiet acts of understanding to the grand gestures of love, reciprocity shapes the very foundation of our deepest connections. 

The importance of reciprocity in relationships should not be understated, as equal effort fosters a dynamic of mutual respect, support, and trust from the outset. 

With all that said, how do you know if you’re in a reciprocal relationship? And, if you’re starting to feel an imbalance — how do you deal with it? 

What is a reciprocal relationship? 

Reciprocity is whereby the quality of an act, process, or relationship in which one person receives benefits from another and, in return, provides an equivalent benefit.

Reciprocal relationships are established when both partners equally exchange behaviors or actions, creating a mutually beneficial environment founded on mutual respect and support.

According to research, these behaviors are not just important but are foundational to our survival as a species — having profound effects on the emergence of integrative bonds of trust. Opposite from a transactional exchange, this pattern of behavior is considered the norm in most relationships and is developed early on in our development. 

Any committed relationship is likely to experience periods of imbalance, where one partner needs more support from the other at a given moment. This doesn’t necessarily indicate a lack of reciprocity. Rather, couples that practice reciprocity should expect to see these times of unequal give-and-take balance out in the longer term.

“The great thing about a relationship is that at any given moment, one person may require less support and be available to provide it for the other,” says Moraya Seeger DeGeare, a licensed marriage and family therapist. 

“This is rooted in our genetic makeup, as supporting each other was necessary for survival in the past and may still be necessary today, depending on how we think about it.”

A healthy reciprocal relationship can exist between not only romantic partners, but also friends, family members, or even co-workers. At its core, it’s about matching someone’s energy and effort to create a balanced relationship. If there is a lack of reciprocity, it can make the relationship feel one-sided or unequal — allowing resentment to build over time. 

Reciprocity allows the development of healthy interdependence, which is essential when cultivating a lasting, trusting relationship. 

“Our experiences with love and support as children shape our approach to reciprocity in adult intimate relationships,” explains Seeger DeGeare. “Whether we unconsciously replicate or intentionally deviate from those experiences, we can all learn to cultivate healthy reciprocity as adults, regardless of our upbringing.”

What is a reciprocal friendship?

It’s not only romantic partners who benefit from understanding the importance of reciprocity. Other connections, such as friendships and family dynamics, should also be healthy, reciprocal relationships.

Friendships can fall victim to many of the problems experienced in romantic relationships, from controlling behavior to communication difficulties or incompatible ways of expressing affection. 

Just like with a romantic partner, a good friendship allows you to give support freely, safe in the knowledge you will receive similar help when you need it. A mutual exchange doesn’t mean a like-for-like transaction. Your friend may support you by helping you move, while you provide a sympathetic ear for their romantic troubles. The key is whether you feel valued, respected, and supported when looking at the relationship as a whole. If not, some changes may be necessary to ensure the friendship is reciprocal.

How does reciprocity affect relationships?

Reciprocity is a fundamental part of healthy relationships, playing a pivotal role in shaping and maintaining your connection. Usually, it’s a subtle balancing act, as you exchange behaviors with your partner for mutual benefit — not solely for your own gain. 

Healthy reciprocity requires both partners to be in tune with each other’s needs and wants, so they can both match each other’s energy and actions. It’s kind of like an investment, where you’re both contributing equally to the relationship. 

If you’re in a reciprocal relationship, it’s much easier to build a solid foundation of trust and respect. When you respond positively to each other’s actions it reinforces a sense of mutual respect and understanding, naturally fostering stronger bonds between you and your loved one. 

Not only that but if your partner is constantly reciprocating your love and affection, it helps to maintain a more balanced relationship — where you both feel secure and supported. This sense of equity is crucial for the longevity of a relationship, if one partner feels that their partner isn’t contributing, it naturally pushes them away. 

However, if this equity is present, it can contribute to an innate sense of belonging, self-esteem, and happiness.

Can you introduce reciprocity into your relationship? 

If you feel an imbalance in your relationship, there are many practical ways to introduce reciprocity into your day-to-day dynamic with your partner. 

Many of these behaviors revolve around the little things that you do for each other every day, but which can make a big impact on your relationship satisfaction.