Love Language Unlocked: Acts of Service
Actions speak louder than words.
The acts of service love language is all about showing your partner how much they mean to you through little acts of kindness. From bringing them breakfast in bed to folding their laundry, there are a million personalized acts of service that you can incorporate into your relationship.
Far from chores, these loving gestures mean the world to those who hold this love language close to their heart.
What are the 5 love languages?
The concept of love language was devised by Dr. Gary Chapman, with each love language created to explain the different wants people prefer to give and receive love.
In his bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, as well as in his later articles, Chapman defined the love languages as follows:
Physical touch
Chapman’s theory is that by knowing your partner’s primary love language, you can improve your connection and learn how to showcase your affection in a more personal way.
If you’re unsure about which love language is for you, take the love language quiz to rank the five love languages for you!
What is the act of service love language?
The acts of service love language is about showing love through actions and deeds that make your loved ones' life easier.
These tasks are done with the intention of making your partner feel loved, secure, and cherished in your relationship. Acts of service are small gestures of affection that showcase your love for your partner.
These can be little things, from making your significant other a cup of coffee to completing their least favorite household chores after a long day. Like all love languages, acts of service are very personal — so they should be tailored to your loved ones' own preferences.
Signs your love language is acts of service
Everyone speaks and responds to different love languages, depending on what they need in a romantic relationship.
When expressing or receiving love, you usually have one preferred love language, though you may respond to more than one of the five.
- Appreciating help from your partner: When your partner helps you with tasks, you feel loved and valued — even if it’s something small.
- Expressing love through action: To express love, you like to do things for your loved ones, such as cooking for them, running errands, etc.
- Disappointment at broken promises: If your partner promises to help, then lets you down, you feel incredibly hurt and let down.
- Offering help as a sign of love: When you love someone, you instinctively want to give them your undivided attention and help them as much as you can. If your partner prioritizes helping you, then you take it as a sign of their love for you.
- Feeling unloved by neglect: If your partner has an incompatible love language, or does not understand your needs in this way — you may feel unappreciated in the relationship.
- Valuing practicality: Even though you may like romantic gestures, you view practical actions as essential for building a strong and loving relationship.
What are the benefits of acts of service in a relationship?
Research shows that tailoring your approach to your significant other's love language can benefit your relationship by creating a positive emotional climate in which you can thrive together. Therefore, by being aware of your partner’s love language, it’s easier to satisfy your partner’s emotional needs.
So if their love language is acts of service, making an effort by running errands or ticking off their to-do list — has huge benefits for your relationship!
For those unfamiliar with the benefits of acts of service, it can feel like you’re just taking on your loved one’s chores, but that’s not the case! These gestures are just another way of filling up your partner’s “love tank” and showing them that you understand and respect their personal love language.
There are plenty of other benefits of the act of service love language, such as:
What to do if your partner’s love language is acts of service?
If your partner’s love language is acts of service, it’s important to tailor your approach to this aspect of their relationship needs.
While quality time focuses on planning date nights and carving out time for your partner, acts of service are more focused on showing your partner that you’re thinking about them all the time. With small, personalized gestures showcasing to your significant other that you have their well-being and mental health as a priority.
This love language is very personal to every relationship, but we have a few examples of acts of service to get your brain in motion!
What are some examples of acts of service your partner might do for you?
Doing chores without being asked
Running errands like picking up the dry cleaning or grocery shopping
Cooking a special meal or romantic dinner on date night
Making them their morning coffee
Doing tasks you know your partner hates eg. taking the bins out
Taking care of your partner when they’re ill or unwell
Helping with childcare — if you have kids, it’s a shared responsibility!
Fixing something around the house
What love language is most compatible with acts of service?
Everyone has a unique love language! Even though you may have a primary love language, you can also have preferences for a combination of the five love languages.
Since both quality time and acts of service love languages have an emphasis on focused attention and thoughtful actions in a relationship, they are naturally most compatible.
However, no matter your own love language, you can complement your partner’s love language in many ways — depending on how you respond to their needs. Compatibility in love languages therefore can vary from person to person depending on preferences and needs.
This is why it’s so important to understand and respect your partner’s love language in order to build a strong and harmonious relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between an act of service and a chore?
Even though they can often be confused, acts of service and chores are different due to the context and motivation behind them. While a chore is a routine or necessary task that must be completed, an act of service is a thoughtful or intentional action performed out of love. Even though helping someone with their chores can be an act of service, this is a voluntary act done out of kindness — rather than a necessity.
