Is He the One? 26 Signs the Search Is Over
The quest for a soulmate has been littered throughout our culture for centuries, and while we may claim to be modern and progressive — this fixation on finding the “perfect man” still reverberates throughout society.
Don’t get us wrong! We love love and want everyone to find that healthy, fulfilling relationship that they deserve, and that desire for healthy patterns includes the journey to finding that person.
This is why we would like to switch up the narrative slightly, straying away from the conventional “Is he the one?” and more towards “Is he the right one for me?” This pulls us into a healthier space, away from pre-destiny and soulmates, and into conscious choices around compatibility.
“Don’t let societal pressure drive major life decisions,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert.
“While it may feel nice to settle down and transition into this next chapter of your life, remind yourself that you’d rather settle down with someone who deeply cares about you and values you, not someone who seems “good enough” for your future vision.”
It’s about deciding what you want from your partner, and if your loved one is the guy you want to carve out a long-term future with! With the help of our experts, we’re here to help you spot the signs that you’ve found the kind of partner you deserve… And how to make that love last long-term.
How do you recognize a soul mate?
When you watch it in the movies, it’s usually pretty easy to tell when Prince Charming walks into the picture. However, in reality, the concept of a perfect match is notably more complicated.
“Movies, television shows, and modern romance novels depict soul mates as a deep, spiritual connection between two people, reinforcing the idea that true love transcends time, distance, and adversity,” says Caruso.
“While the concept of soul mates is highly romanticized, finding a soul connection is not impossible—it just requires understanding that no two people are destined to be together.”
We might romanticize the idea that there is someone out there who is made for us, this concept can actually hold you back in the long run. As if you’re so focused on finding someone who fits the exact concept you have in your head, you’ll spend the rest of your life looking…
And you might just let the right guy fall out of your grasp in the process.
According to Laura Caruso, these are some signs to look for if you think you’ve found your soul mate:
A strong emotional and physical connection with a sense of ease and comfort in each other’s presence.
Similar values, beliefs, and life goals, provide a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.
The timing of the relationship feels serendipitous, occurring when both partners are ready and open to a deep connection.
Effective communication and mutual understanding, including openness, trust, and the ability to resolve conflict constructively for a strong and enduring connection.
How long does it take to know if he’s the one?
“There is no universal timeline for knowing if someone is “the one”, as this reality varies greatly from person to person,” says Caruso.
While some people claim they knew from the moment they met (and we’re not ones to dismiss this idea), it’s important to know the difference between being swept up in it and actually locating long-term compatibility.
“It’s important, though, to consider biological factors that often cloud our judgment at the start of a new relationship,” says Caruso.
“Often referred to as the “honeymoon phase,” hormones like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and adrenaline surge, which creates feelings of excitement, pleasure, and attachment. The heightened levels of these chemicals can lead to euphoria, increased energy, and a sense of emotional closeness.”
While these might feel like undeniable signs that you’re falling in love, that’s likely your heart talking, and not your head! This infatuation stage is full of physical attraction, lust, and perhaps obsession, and while this may be the beginnings of a solid foundation — it doesn’t mean that it’s a done deal.
“Over time, couples settle into a more stable pattern where feelings of love and attachment are sustained through deeper emotional connections, shared experiences, and mutual support rather than solely through hormonal fluctuations,” says Caruso.
Since there isn’t a fixed amount of time for these feelings to subside, rushing into saying ‘I love you’ during this early phase is not a good idea! Especially when you don’t know if they’re really going to be there for the long haul.
“It takes time to develop a deep sense of certainty about a partner,” says Caruso.
“Building trust, experiencing shared experiences, and navigating challenges together can deepen the connection and help partners assess compatibility over time. Factors such as past experiences, individual readiness for commitment, and the pace of the relationship can also influence how quickly or slowly someone feels certain about their partner being the one.”
At the end of the day, a successful relationship takes time to grow and mature into the kind of real love that we all want and deserve. Every couple is on a different journey with their significant other, and it’s not something you can put a timeframe on!
However, if you find yourself telling your friends “I love him” after date two, it might be time for some self-reflection and to seek the right kind of relationship advice to guide you forward.
Do we really need a life partner?
When you’re thinking about finding the one, it’s easy to get sidetracked by the romance of it all, without thinking about what you actually want from a long-term relationship.
Or, if we desire a long-term partner at all…
“Humans are social creatures, and our biology is wired to seek connection and companionship. From an evolutionary standpoint, forming bonds and alliances with others, including romantic partners, enhances our survival and reproductive success,” says Caruso.
“Psychologically, having a life partner or intimate relationship fulfills fundamental needs for companionship, emotional support, and intimacy. Research consistently shows that healthy relationships contribute to overall well-being, reducing stress, promoting better physical health, and enhancing longevity.”
Finding a partner who doubles as your best friend, closest confidante, and your biggest cheerleader — that’s the kind of human relationship that we all deserve and desire. However, while many people couldn’t fathom adulting without a partner by their side, everyone wants something different from relationships and partnerships.
“Everyone has the autonomy to decide what type of relationships best suit their needs and preferences,” says Caruso.
“Whether someone chooses to pursue a life partner, remain single, or prioritize other forms of relationships (such as friendships or family bonds) is entirely up to them. There are many paths to leading a fulfilling life, and not everyone finds their sense of purpose or happiness through a traditional life partnership. Some individuals thrive in solitude, prioritize career goals, or find deep satisfaction in other meaningful relationships outside of romantic partnerships.”
It’s about deciding what you need from a long-lasting relationship, and while you don’t need to decide this from the first date, taking this time to self-reflect is important for your happiness moving forward.
“It's important to celebrate and embrace the diversity of human experiences and preferences,” says Caruso.
“What works for one person may not be suitable for another, and that's perfectly fine. Valuing diversity includes respecting different choices regarding relationships and partnerships.”
How do you know if a guy is the one?
When you know you know.
A common saying, but not super helpful when you’re genuinely looking for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with! It may not be as simple as ticking your wants and needs off a checklist, but some green flags help indicate if you’re on the right path.
If you spot these signs, the one you’ve been waiting for could be standing in front of you.
Signs he may be the one:
You have a deep emotional connection. “You feel comfortable being yourself, sharing vulnerable thoughts and emotions, and experiencing mutual respect and understanding,” says Caruso.
They’re kind. It’s simple and it’s self-explanatory, but if you have a guy that’s genuinely nice to you — it’s not something to be easily overlooked. It’s this kindness that inspires all those little things that make your relationship worth it.
You have similar values and life goals. “You align on important values such as family, integrity, spirituality, or personal growth,” says Caruso. “You have similar visions for the future and can envision yourselves supporting each other's goals and aspirations.”
He makes you laugh. You should be able to laugh together no matter what, and when necessary, you should be able to laugh at yourselves! Life is too short not to have someone by your side who you can giggle with even when times get tough.
You mutually respect and support each other. “He respects your opinions, values your independence, and supports your personal growth and achievements,” says Caruso. “You both prioritize each other's well-being and happiness.”
Blends with your family. When you’ve found the ‘one’, you’re not afraid to leave him alone with your family, nor will he complain about it! He should be able to blend well with those closest to you, and always be willing to make this effort (as he knows you’ll do it the other way!)
He tells you everything. This kind of communication should run both ways, showcasing the mutual trust and desire you have to build a life together.
You communicate effectively. “You communicate openly and honestly with each other, even during difficult conversations or disagreements,” says Caruso. “There's a sense of being heard, understood, and valued in the relationship.”
He can admit when he’s wrong. Not only can you communicate openly, but if he can take responsibility for his actions and sincerely apologize – it’s a good sign for the long-term future.
He’s a gentleman. While the bad-boy trope seems to stick around, this isn’t what you’re looking for in a long-term partner. If he’s the one, he’ll likely emulate a number of gentlemanly qualities… That’s husband material right there.
There’s a sense of trust and security. “You feel secure and trust him implicitly. There's a foundation of honesty, reliability, and consistency in his actions and words,” says Caruso.
Attraction is more than skin-deep. While being physically attracted to someone is one thing, being attracted to their personality is just as important. You should feel those mushy feelings when you see your partner doing something small — appreciating how they act and carry themselves in everyday life.
Your lifestyles and habits are compatible. “You enjoy spending time together and have compatible lifestyles, interests, and habits,” says Caruso. “This includes how you handle finances, leisure activities, and daily routines.”
He makes you feel important. Everyone deserves a partner that makes them feel good. You should be able to be 100% authentically yourself and never fear that your partner will judge you for that.
He wants to hang out with you. No one wants a guy who makes excuses as to why they can’t see you, or who always prioritizes the ‘boys’ over you. While the phrase ‘if he wanted to, he would’ can be contentious, you should never doubt that a guy will make the time to see you.
It doesn’t feel complicated. Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, but every day should not feel like an uphill battle. Your life feels better with them in it than without them in it — simple.
He doesn’t forget the important stuff. He might forget to pick up the dry cleaning from time to time but when it comes to the important things, he would never let you down.
Mutual effort. While relationships are never going to be exactly 50/50, you shouldn’t feel like you have to do absolutely everything. The relationship should be push and pull, with both parties contributing to the sustainability of your future.
Says the right things. When you’re not there, he speaks about you in the same way as if you were standing in the room. This shows how much he values and respects you, even when you’re not around.
Willing to get vulnerable. If your partner is willing to open up, be vulnerable, or even cry in front of you — it’s a great sign that he trusts you and feels safe with you.
According to Laura Caruso, these are some signs he’s not the one:
You lack emotional connection. You don't feel a deep emotional bond or sense of closeness with him. Conversations may feel superficial or lack intimacy, and you may not feel comfortable sharing vulnerable thoughts or feelings.
Your values and goals are misaligned. Significant differences in core values, life goals, or priorities can create ongoing tension and conflict in the relationship. If you find yourselves consistently at odds over fundamental beliefs or visions for the future, it may indicate compatibility issues.
You struggle to communicate. Communication is consistently difficult or ineffective. This can include frequent misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, or a lack of effort to listen and understand each other's perspectives.
You lack trust or respect. Trust and respect are essential foundations of a healthy relationship. Signs of mistrust, dishonesty, or disrespectful behavior can erode the foundation of trust needed for a lasting partnership.
The relationship feels unbalanced. It may be one-sided or unequal in terms of effort, support, or emotional investment. If one person consistently gives more than the other or if there's a pattern of dependency or control, it may indicate an imbalance that is unsustainable.
You lack future vision. You struggle to envision a future together or feel uncertain about committing to a long-term partnership. This could be due to differences in life plans, hesitation about the relationship's potential, or a lack of shared dreams and aspirations.
How do you know if he thinks you're the one?
Great love isn’t one-sided, and if you’ve found the right partner, the love you feel should be reciprocated.
A reciprocal relationship is easy to spot, as you won’t be searching for clues about whether he really likes you. You’ll know.
“Quite simply: you’ll feel it,” says Caruso.
“Your partner’s emotional investment in the relationship will seep into every interaction you have with him. He’ll communicate his love for you regularly, through both words and actions. He’ll talk about future plans that include you, like long-term goals, dreams, and aspirations. He’ll consistently show up for you in both good times and bad, and he’ll make conscious efforts to sustain the relationship.”
No breadcrumbing. No guesswork. If your loved one feels that you’re the one, they will show you that in their everyday action. They can’t imagine a future without you in it, and this decision will naturally impact everything else.
Does this sound like your man? Then you’ve won the jackpot! You’ve found your person and we couldn’t be happier for you.
The key to making it last forever? Well, we’ve got that covered for you right here.
Frequently Asked Questions
How does your body know he's the one?
While your body can easily indicate sexual attraction, it can be more difficult for your body to signal long-term compatibility. However, if you’ve found someone who can be a long-term partner, you should feel totally authentic and comfortable around them. This is a good sign that you’re ready for a longer-term connection.
