How to make him want you: The modern woman’s guide
Google search history: “How to make him want you”, “How to make him chase you”, “How to make him crazy for you”.
If you're expecting advice on the perfect smoky eye or how to laugh cutely while flicking your hair, you've come to the wrong place. Forget about ‘playing hard to get’, how about being hard to forget?
We're not here to teach you how to contort yourself into someone's ideal, we're here to help you become so captivating as yourself that the right person can't help but take notice.
“If a man isn’t crazy about you, they’re not the one,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert.
“You are deserving of a partner who loves every part of you, both inside and out. A relationship should enhance your life, not create a constant struggle for validation.”
Forget the antiquated advice about laughing at his jokes (even if they're as dry as the Sahara) or pretend to love football (when you can barely tell a touchdown from a home run). Today, we're diving into the deep end of the dating pool, where authenticity reigns supreme and 'being yourself' isn't just a cliché—it's the ultimate power move.
“Life is too precious to spend time chasing affection from those unwilling to freely give it. By directing your energy towards people who value and desire you just as much as you do them, you'll foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships,” says Caruso.
“Let's not settle for less, because you deserve a partner who sees and cherishes your inherent worth.”
So, grab your sense of humor, your unfiltered opinions, and maybe a snack (because who doesn't want someone who appreciates a good cheese board?), and let's redefine attraction in terms that would make Jane Austen both blush and cheer."
What makes a man want you?
The antiquated dating advice was very clear in its approach to making men fall at your feet. It’s all about keeping him guessing, mastering swooning like a damsel in distress, and playing hard to get—where it’s a fine line whether he’ll be obsessed with you, or forget you exist entirely.
Introducing the cool girl stereotype, which has haunted modern dating patterns for years.
“Whether you’re in search of spice with someone new or trying to reignite the flame of a past romance, my advice is the same: ditch the “cool girl” act and show up authentically and unapologetically you,” says Caruso.
“The cool girl is a popular stereotype that is seemingly perfect in demeanor and suits the preferences of men. It transcends gender and is characterized as someone who is laid-back, low maintenance, and aligned in the interests and behaviors of someone they’re not-so-secretly trying to impress.”
Not only can the cool girl stereotype not be maintained (I mean have you seen Gone Girl), but if it isn’t authentic to your own personality, what’s the point? Men might be simple creatures in many ways, but the kind of guys who are interested in sustainable, healthy, long-term relationships don’t need to be won over by any games.
It’s often said that men love the ‘chase’, and if you deprive them of that excitement, your relationship will fall stale as soon as you give him what you want. Or, that “boys only want love if it’s torture” (don’t say Miss Swift didn’t warn ya)... While there are nuggets of truth in these statements, it’s about reframing this to align with your self-worth.
“A real man doesn’t want a partner who will bend to their every desire. An easily “won,” uncomplicated relationship might lack the depth or excitement that arises from a more dynamic and reciprocal relationship,” says Caruso.
Put plainly, it isn’t about the chase or the game, it’s about finding the right guy who’s willing to work for a healthy relationship. If you can’t be you, or they feel they can’t be you, you’re just wasting each other’s time.
“Authenticity invites genuine compatibility,” says Caruso.
“The “cool girl” trope often avoids deep emotional expression to maintain a carefree and accommodating image. Men, like anyone else, are drawn to partners who can share their fears, joys, and challenges openly, as this fosters intimacy and trust.”
Remember one thing, you’re absolutely amazing, and any man would be lucky to have you. If you’re trying to bend to the desires of men or focused on making a man fall in love with you, it’s pretty easy to forget about what you actually want.
Remember who you are and radiate that energy as you walk about the world. Channel your independent woman, get a place where you’re happy being single, and where a man would just be a happy coincidence. Building up your inner self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth will show up in your every action.
You’d be surprised with the kind of energy you’ll attract in return.
“Confidence is inherently attractive. Confident people exude a natural charisma and magnetism that stems from comfort in their own skin, which makes them more engaging and pleasant to be around,” says Caruso.
“Confidence also helps reduce feelings of anxiety and insecurity in social contexts. When you feel confident, you’re less concerned about how others perceive you, which allows you to be more present and connected when you’re with your man.”
How do you make him want you more?
Channeling all of this energy, it may feel like we’re not going to give you any dating advice at all!
We simply want you to understand the kind of relationship you want in your life, rather than solely focusing on what you need to do to make a guy want you. After all, to achieve the kind of healthy, mutually satisfying relationship dynamic, it’s not about making a man chase you!
According to Laura Caruso, the key to manifesting your perfect love life is channeling the balance of personal allure, emotional intelligence, and mutual respect. It may not sound super sexy, but trust us, it will get the kind of head-over-heels effect you desire.
What are the top ways to make him desire you?
Active listening: “Pay attention to your man when he speaks. Ask about his interests, dreams, and life experiences,” says Caruso. “Show him you’re interested in him as a person and not just as a romantic prospect.”
Eye contact: It sounds simple, but the role of eye contact in the early stages of a relationship can’t be understated. As research proves, holding eye contact and smiling can go a long way.
Focus on yourself: We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, self-love is sexier than any cool girl act. “Continue engaging in your own hobbies and interests,” says Caruso. “Maintain your social circles and commitments. An independent partner who leads a fulfilling life is attractive and can make a man more eager to be a part of that life.”
Be open (with a hint of mystery): “Share parts of your life and your feelings openly. Vulnerability leads to closeness,” says Caruso. “While openness is vital, maintaining some sense of mystery can keep him intrigued—let some aspects of your personality and life unfold gradually. Don’t drop all of the best parts of yourself on your first date.”
Open body language: It might sound strange, but research shows that people are attracted to those who subtly mimic their body language. It doesn’t mean putting on a miming act, but reciprocating his body language can make him feel more comfortable around you from the start.
Be supportive: When a man feels respected, supported, and encouraged, it’s a good signal that he’s found the kind of woman he’s been looking for. “Show support for his ambitions,” says Caruso. “A supportive partner is often an integral part of a person’s journey and achievements.”
Touch: It’s the little moments of touch that will make him crave more. Whether it’s brushing his hand, or touching his thigh when he makes you laugh, this builds a natural intimacy from the offset.
Regular appreciation: Sometimes it really is the little things. If a guy is making a huge effort, thank him! Whether it’s him taking you out for dinner, or taking out the trash when he comes around—pay attention and show your appreciation. It really matters.
Be complimentary: There’s a lingering idea that compliments will only feed a man’s ego, but in a healthy dynamic, compliments should always go both ways! While you don’t need to gush over him, guys like to be complimented too. Make it a balance of physical and intellectual compliments, so he can feel desired and understood.
Get flirty: You might not have a range of chat-up lines on hand, but you’re definitely sexier than you give yourself credit for. “Focus on keeping the spark alive even as your relationship progresses,” says Caruso. “Playfulness is light-hearted and affectionate and shows you’re attracted to him.” Even a flirty text can go a long way in getting those butterflies flying.
Don’t dress to impress: Dressing for the male gaze is one thing, but dressing in a way that makes you feel sexy, confident, and entirely yourself is another. “Instead, dress for your own confidence,” says Caruso. “Wear clothing that boosts your self-esteem and makes you feel good about yourself. Your man will notice your glow.”
Be direct: This is a delicate balancing act, as you want to show him that you know what you want—while also not scaring him away. Instead of opting for games, try and be honest with yourself and him about how you feel things are going. The honesty will likely be refreshing, and will hopefully mean you both lose less sleep at night!
Prioritize positivity. Self-depreciation is a common symptom in today’s society, as if a compliment should be proven wrong! Switch this attitude for a glass half-full approach and it will make a noticeable difference in your dating life. “A positive attitude is contagious and attractive,” says Caruso. “It’s hard to resist someone who brings joy and optimism to a room.”
Be social. Do you know that you’ll never meet a guy if you don’t put yourself out there? We’re only teasing, but it’s true! “Chat with people around you when the opportunity arises,” says Caruso. “Make genuine connections with people regularly. An outgoing person is magnetic.”
Choose relationships that enhance your own life: The allure of a bad boy is always attractive, but think about what you want from a relationship in the first place. “Aim for a healthy, vibrant relationship that brings out the best qualities in you,” says Caruso.
