How to be a good girlfriend to your partner
When you’re in love, you want to put your best foot forward and be the best possible partner you can be.
If you’re wondering how to be a good girlfriend to your partner, you might be looking for specific tips or tricks that entitle you to the best girlfriend award. However, while these sweet ways to show your affection are a great start, we believe being a good girlfriend goes a lot deeper than that.
When it comes to being a good partner, we tend to gender our responses, tailoring the specifics of what it means to be a good girlfriend vs what it means to be a good boyfriend. While we believe that the fundamentals remain the same, looking at it with a gendered lens can actually help us, as emphasized by a relationship expert.
“Acknowledging gender is incredibly important when it comes to improving relationship dynamics. Men and women are socialized differently, which leads to significant differences in behavior in adult relationships,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert.
“Even further, people who don’t identify with the male/female labels may have been socialized in a way they don’t (or never) resonate(d) with, which also impacts adult behavior. Regardless of identity, it’s important to acknowledge self-limiting patterns that result from socialization—doing so will greatly improve your relationship.”
No matter your sexual or gender orientation, we hope that our tips can help you become the best partner in your relationship that you can possibly be—with the help of our expert guide.
What makes a good girlfriend?
There are many things to go into a good relationship, with so many factors contributing to your status as ‘the best girlfriend ever’.
Often there are grand misinterpretations of what true love looks like, and contrary to popular belief it isn’t about the anniversary cards, the birthday balloons, or the flashy gifts. It also isn’t tailored around what ‘men want’ stereotypically, it’s about all those little moments—added up to create a supportive, caring, and loving partner.
“A solid partner is consistent, supportive, and genuinely present in everyday moments,” says Caruso.
“Grand gestures and big promises are often signs of emotional unavailability, whereas consistent, daily efforts to “show up” for one another reflect a clear understanding of what it takes to create a lasting relationship.”
Being a good girlfriend means putting in the effort to maintain a healthy relationship, with this receptiveness and responsiveness proven to create good connections.
What are good qualities of a good girlfriend?
Many non-negotiable qualities should be present in a healthy relationship, including mutual respect, honesty, support, matching values, and dependability—among others.
“A great girlfriend knows the strength of a relationship lies in mutual respect, thoughtful communication, and little acts of kindness that accumulate over time, making every day together better than the last,” says Caruso.
Despite the truth behind this approach, ideals left over from a previous generation can corrupt female thought processes about what it means to be an amazing girlfriend. These ideas taught women to put their significant others before themselves, tailoring their relationship and dating patterns toward what they thought men wanted.
“Historically, women were taught to prioritize the needs of others above their own, often at the expense of their individuality and well-being. The tendency to self-sacrifice breeds resentment and profoundly impacts the health of a relationship in the long term,” says Caruso.
This taught women that they should not be their own person but be the ‘cool girl’, with a focus on how to look good for the male gaze. Relationship advice from this point of view naturally bred insecurities, eroding their self-esteem and self-worth over time.
It may sound cliche, but the most important thing for a long-term relationship is to be your authentic self—as a chill persona can only hold up for so long! In many ways, it seems easier to play a game rather than be vulnerable enough to be yourself, but trust us, your love life will blossom by just making the conscious choice to be you.
“Though it may seem controversial, there is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” girlfriend,” says Caruso.
“There’s certainly a difference between a healthy and unhealthy partnership, but someone who may seem like a “good” fit for one person is likely unfit for another. This is simply a matter of compatibility.”
Not to lean into another cliche, but there is plenty of fish in the sea, and no matter how much hard work you put in—sometimes that person just isn’t ‘your person’.
“Shift your focus to unlearning unhealthy relationship dynamics and replacing them with new patterns of behavior that lead to genuine connection,” says Caruso.
“You should feel empowered to voice your own needs and desires within a relationship and communicate openly with your partner. Aim for a balance where both partners’ needs are met. Learn to negotiate, compromise, and respect each other’s differences.”
Successful romantic relationships are all about balance. You should be two individuals who come together to form a great partnership, retaining your own life, your own needs, and your own desires.
“Build your sense of self outside of your relationship. Oftentimes, we attach our identities to our relationship, which fuels a deep-rooted fear of separation,” says Caruso.
“When women assert their needs and seek balance, relationships grow stronger and more resilient.”
Therefore, we should take the shift off being a ‘good girlfriend’ in the stereotypical sense, putting more emphasis on both being good partners to each other and growing together as a result.
How can you be an even better girlfriend?
With all of this said, we can’t help but let out a little ‘awh’ at the thought that people want to continuously be better in their relationships. That’s the kind of energy we all strive toward!
Truly, it’s about being your best self and aiming for a balanced relationship that fuels and feeds you both every step of the way.
Balance: “A balanced relationship is one where both partners feel their needs are met,” says Caruso. “By focusing on your own well-being first, you ensure that you are participating in your relationship with enthusiasm and energy, rather than from a depleted state.”
Focus on personal growth: It might seem strange at first, but the first step toward being a better girlfriend isn’t focused on your partner at all—it’s about you. “Taking care of yourself sets the stage for a healthy, fulfilling relationship where both partners can thrive. The best version of you is naturally a better partner,” says Caruso.
Affection: No matter your partner’s love language, physical affection goes a long way. It isn’t just cuddles, it’s the little moments like holding their hand, or giving them shoulders a squeeze as you walk by in the kitchen.
Self love: It’s not about being selfish, it’s about recognizing that the more love you direct toward yourself, the more you’ll be able to channel that toward your significant other. “Understanding your own needs and emotions is the first step towards developing empathy for others,” says Caruso. “By practicing self-empathy, you can relate more deeply and supportively to your partner, enhancing your connection.”
Supportive partnership: “Investing in your interests and self-development brings new energy and perspective to your relationship. Encourage your partner to pursue their hopes and dreams, too. A supportive partnership is a cornerstone of long-term success,” says Caruso.
Confidence: Be confident in yourself! You’re a catch, remember that. If you’re making an active effort to be a good partner to your loved one, be confident that you are worthy of the same love in return.
Common goals: “Make personal and relationship growth a mutual journey. Discuss goals, dreams, and ways to grow together,” says Caruso. “Try new activities, learn new skills, and push your comfort zones—together and individually. This keeps the partnership feeling fresh and exciting.”
Biggest cheerleader: A relationship where you both are each other's biggest cheerleader is the ultimate goal, especially when you feel like you’ve rolled a best friend and a partner into one. Once you’ve laid this foundation, you can build on all the little things from there.
Communication: Small talk is one thing, but being a good girlfriend is about getting into the deeper conversations. This is where the Paired app can help, encouraging you and your partner to spark meaningful conversations daily—building your love along the way.
Focus on relationship growth: “Pay attention to what makes your relationship thrive,” says Caruso. “Whether it’s date nights, shared hobbies, or quiet evenings at home, keep the spark alive by investing in activities you both love. Often, it’s the small expressions of acknowledgment and connection that create the biggest impact.”
Trust: This is foundational to any healthy relationship. You should trust your partner, and they should trust you. Trust is continuously built with little actions—showing your partner that they can rely and depend on you no matter what.
Make time: You should never be ‘too busy’ to dedicate time to your relationship. No matter if you’re swamped in work, it just takes five minutes a day to dedicate to your partner.
Daily gestures: Once you have a solid and healthy starting point, that’s where all the sweet gestures and intentional efforts come in. Whether that’s sending a good morning text message every day, making a five-minute cuddle part of your daily routine, or setting a day for a weekly date night.
Go the extra mile: Being a good girlfriend is all about going the extra mile for your partner, with the small and big gestures. (Remember guys like flowers too!)
Acceptance: It’s important to accept that your partner isn’t perfect, and that in turn, you’re not perfect! As long as you are both accepting of this, and intentionally make an effort to be the best you can be. Reciprocal, balanced relationships enable you both to be the best partner you can be, with a healthy future awaiting you!
