What are the Different Types of Parenting Styles?
Being tasked with raising a child is no joke. Not only are you responsible for keeping them alive, but you’re also responsible for the kind of person they will become. Whew.
Every parent wants to give their child the best possible opportunities in life, and while we all fixate on sending them to the right schools or introducing them to the right hobbies — it actually runs far deeper than that.
Parenting styles shouldn’t remain confined to the pages of parenting books, they should be utilized and adapted to help you and your partner create a nurturing environment for your children from early childhood.
“The most important thing is to remain consistent,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert.
“Consistency in parenting is important for a child’s sense of security and understanding of boundaries. It helps create a predictable environment where expectations are clear and behaviors are reinforced consistently.”
This is why discussing and agreeing on your chosen parenting style with your partner is key to your success, with lots of room for growth and flexibility along the way too!
“While consistency is crucial, know that parenting also requires flexibility to respond to individual children's needs and changing circumstances,” says Caruso.
Looking for where to start? These are the most common parenting styles, and the impact they have on your children (and your relationship) moving forward!
What are parenting styles?
Deciding how to raise your children is no easy task nor a mean feat, with so many avenues and approaches out there to choose from. While every parent may have good intentions with their chosen parenting style, they naturally affect the development of their children.
While no one can influence the exact personality of their children, or dictate what they’re good at, your chosen parenting style can have a huge impact on their overall development and well-being.
Do you want a confident child? Do you want an empathetic child? Do you want an independent child?
“Parenting styles, ranging from authoritative to permissive, shape not only how children are raised but also influence their emotional development and behavior,” says Laura Caruso, licensed therapist and relationship expert.
“Each style fosters unique qualities in children, like confidence, empathy, and self-discipline, and serves as a foundational aspect of a couple’s relationship dynamics and overall family harmony.”
While no parent can be perfect, it’s about choosing a parenting style that suits you and your family — with signposts along the way to help you raise a happy, healthy family. Developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind originally identified three main parenting styles, with researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin adding a fourth style in the 1980’s.
While these four parenting styles were widely accepted, in recent years some additional sub-parenting styles have been added — all with significant impacts on your child’s behavior and growth moving forward.
Each style has a different level of responsiveness (the extent to which parents are responsive to their child’s needs) and demandingness (the extent of control required to influence behavior).
Types of parenting styles
Authoritative parenting style: This authoritative style is characterized by higher levels of responsiveness and high demands, authoritative parents are nurturing, responsive to their child’s needs, and set clear expectations and boundaries. They encourage independence while also being supportive and warm.
Authoritarian parenting: High on demands but low on responsiveness, authoritarian parents emphasize obedience and discipline, often using strict rules and punishments. Communication tends to be one-way, with little room for negotiation or flexibility. While this is a common child-rearing style, children of authoritative parents can develop behavioral problems down the line.
Permissive parenting: Permissive parents are low on demands but high on responsiveness. They are nurturing and loving but have few expectations or rules. Permissive parenting often allows children considerable freedom and autonomy without much structure or guidance.
Uninvolved or neglectful parenting: Characterized by low responsiveness and low demands, uninvolved parents are generally disengaged, showing little emotional support or responsiveness to their child’s needs. As caregivers, they may provide for basic needs but are largely detached from their child’s upbringing.
Helicopter parenting style: Considered a newer form of parenting, this style is characterized by overinvolved and protective parents — constantly hovering over their children. Research by the American Psychological Association found that children of helicopter parents struggle to manage their emotions moving forward.
Instinctive parenting style: This parenting style is in some ways an anti-parenting style, with parents choosing to trust their gut instincts on how to raise their children — rather than following any set rules.
Free-range parenting: This parenting style used to be seen as neglectful, but is now seen as a favorable parenting practice — raising children to be self-reliant, independent, and capable of making their own decisions. This kind of uninvolved parenting style allows children to be largely unsupervised, with parents trusting them to act responsibly.
Snowplow parenting: This parenting style allows parents to be very involved in their child’s life, effectively bulldozing down anything that might stand in their way. The ‘Karens’ of the parenting world, won’t let their children face any adversity, with high expectations for their achievements.
Lighthouse parenting style: This style is derived from Kenneth Ginsberg, who coined this term in his book on parenting, encouraging parents to be like a lighthouse to their children. This theory places emphasis on parents acting as a beacon of hope, safety, and security — a guiding light for their children to grow.
How do different parenting styles affect child development?
Different parenting styles have significant impacts on child development, with each style helping to formulate the child’s morals, principles, and conduct. Each parenting style has different effects on children, as each one commonly correlates with specific behaviors.
“Authoritative parenting, characterized by warmth and clear expectations, tends to promote self-confident, socially competent, and academically successful children,” says Caruso.
Studies show that authoritative parenting allows children to formulate a close, nurturing relationship with their children as they have clear guidelines for their expectations and explain their reasons associated with disciplinary actions.
Therefore, this positive parenting style results in children who are confident responsible, and able to self-regulate. While they have a close relationship with their parents, they also have a high degree of independence and the authority to accomplish goals independently.
“In contrast, the authoritarian parenting style, with its emphasis on strict rules and obedience, may produce children who are obedient but may struggle with social skills and have lower self-esteem,” says Caruso.
Since authoritarian parenting develops a dynamic where there are no negotiations and little communication, it can produce very well-behaved children due to their fear of punishment. However, strict parental rules and punishments often influence the child to rebel against authority figures as they grow older.
On the other end of the spectrum are uninvolved or neglectful parents and permissive parenting. These parenting styles can result in some positive and negative effects on children, as the lack of rules and freedom can make them self-regulatory but also lacking in self-esteem.
“Permissive parenting, while nurturing, can lead to children who lack self-discipline and struggle with boundaries, potentially affecting their academic and social outcomes,” says Caruso.
Research showcases the both positive and negative effects of this permissive parenting style, with children of permissive parents commonly developing aggressive behavior later in life. For example, children with permissive parents may not fully develop an ability to control their negative emotions such as anger presumably because their parents typically do not monitor their children’s behaviors — leading to several adverse effects as they grow up.
“Uninvolved or neglectful parenting, where parents are emotionally distant and provide little guidance, often results in children who may struggle with emotional regulation, academic achievement, and forming healthy relationships,” says Caruso.
Since uninvolved parents give their children a lot of leases, the children are usually resilient and may even be more self-sufficient than children with other types of upbringing — as these skills are developed out of necessity. However, due to the lack of nurturing, they might have trouble controlling their emotions and difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.
What is the most effective parenting style?
According to research, authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting style leads to the healthiest outcomes for children but requires a lot of patience and effort from both parties.
While it may take more effort, this parenting style results in the closest and healthiest parent-child relationships. However, while this style of parenting has many positive results, it doesn’t mean it suits every parent (or every child!)
“There is no “one size fits all” approach to parenting,” says Caruso.
“It’s best to cater your approach to your child’s specific needs and understand that every child will present with a unique set of needs. Parenting requires flexibility. Unironically, it’s a lot of trial and error and requires ongoing communication about how and when to adjust your approach to family demands, which are constantly changing!”
However, since parenting styles can have such an impact on your child’s development, it’s something that should be discussed between you and your partner. Commonly, parents have different opinions and approaches to parenting, with one partner favoring more authority while the other might prefer a more hands-off approach.
Due to the implications, it’s important to openly discuss how you want to raise your children and consider how you can adapt your approach to your individual and relationship needs.
“Understanding these implications helps couples not only recognize the impact of their parenting style on their children's development but also facilitates discussions on aligning their approaches to foster a supportive and balanced environment for their family,” says Caruso.
How should couples discuss parenting styles in relationships?
Bringing up a topic as big as “how do we want to raise our kids” can feel very daunting, as your cultural influences or the way you were raised will naturally affect your approach.
These conversations may be more difficult if you’re part of a blended family, with different parenting styles from either family causing disruption.
Instead of dancing around the subject, it’s important to face it head-on for the sake of your relationship and for your children. And… it doesn’t have to be scary!
Get started with our expert-led ‘Parenting Styles’ pack.
If you’re struggling to talk about parenting styles, these expert tips from Laura Caruso can help you along the way.
Begin with empathy. Approach the discussion with empathy and a willingness to listen to each other’s perspectives. This conversation isn’t to differentiate right from wrong—instead, focus on highlighting the strengths and weaknesses of each approach, and decide what works best for your family based on your shared values and vision for the future.
Share insights from your own upbringing. Discuss how your parents' parenting styles influenced you and shaped your beliefs about effective parenting. This can help each partner understand where the other is coming from and why certain approaches may feel more familiar or important.
Clarify your shared values and overarching goals for your children's upbringing. Discuss what qualities and skills you hope to nurture in your children and how different parenting styles align or conflict with these goals.
Talk about specific aspects of parenting, such as discipline, communication, education, and emotional support. Explore how each parenting style might impact these areas and consider compromises or adjustments that could blend your preferences.
Recognize that parenting styles may evolve over time and vary depending on the child's age and developmental stage. Aim to find a middle ground that respects both partners' perspectives while prioritizing the well-being and development of your children.
Parenting is an ongoing journey. Keep the conversation open and revisit it periodically as your children grow and as new challenges and situations arise. Stay flexible and willing to adapt your parenting approach based on what works best for your family.
